do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
