I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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