I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You are a booty call, not a friend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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