Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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