I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
