I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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