In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
