my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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