What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
