just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to make out with him forever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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