Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
