I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
