Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
