Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
