Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fill condoms, not promises.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
