how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
