I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so let's talk penis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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