oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
