This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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