Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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