So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
