i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
even my farts smell like vagina
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
