Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
