do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
now i know why i became what i already was.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
