ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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