Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
