hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
