Sponge bath it is.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
