You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
