i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I supernannyed him into submission
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
