My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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