I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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