I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
