"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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