so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
