Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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