my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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