just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
