u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
