So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
