last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
