A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
