she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
