idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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