Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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