i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
