____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
