the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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