I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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