im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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