From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
