I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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